SEE ALSO: 10 Sex Toys With Ridiculously Ancient Origins
10 Rammstein Penises
The German hard rock band Rammstein is not one to shy away from sensitive areas. Their 2009 video for the song Pussy featured rather more flesh and sexual intercourse than American music videos would be allowed to put on display. Coming from the album ‘Liebe ist fur alle da’ – Love is for everyone – the song was a sign of where the band would be going next. They decided to release a special box set for the album, not an unusual merchandising strategy, but they included non-stand items in the hand-crafted case. Like handcuffs, lubricant, and six pink plastic dildos in various shapes and sizes. “Size does matter, after all,” as they sang in Pussy. The boxset could be bought with either the censored or uncensored version of the album, for those perhaps not expecting rude words from a box of sex toys. In Germany the album could not be displayed in shops after a court ruled it was damaging to youths.[1] Despite rumors that the six dildos in the special edition were modeled on the band members’ members it appears this is just an urban legend – unless someone with more intimate knowledge knows better.
9 JLS Condoms
The boy band JLS emerged from the UK version of the X-factor in 2008 after coming second to Alexandra Burke. Of the two however it was JLS who proved to have the staying power racking up several number ones. Being socially responsible the band decided to partner with the condom maker Durex to release their own range of branded condoms.[2] As the boys said at the time “it’s important to put your love in a glove.” They decided to repurpose the JLS of their name to make it stand for Just Love Safe. Each box featured the face of one of the four stars which led to an impromptu popularity contest. Ashton is apparently the one people pick when it comes to safe sex. Those looking to colour code their loving were please to know that each of the pop stars’ condoms came in a different color.
8 Safaree Samuels’ Anaconda
Safaree Samuels is a rapper and songwriter perhaps best known for dating Nicki Minaj for over a decade. Or at least he was most famous for that until his name started trending on Twitter in 2018. Safaree’s nudes had leaked and the internet was going wild. Some suggested that the rapper had been behind the leak of the explicit photos. If he was looking for publicity then it worked.[3] This year however he sought to use his internet fame, as well as other of his attributes, to make some hard cash. A replica of the much seen penis can now be bought. Called Safaree’s Anaconda the object comes in at 12 inches long so buyers will be getting plenty of bang for their buck. While some people might be cautious about their purchase Safaree’s current girlfriend said “I’m so excited for you ladies!”
7 Daft Punk condoms
When musician Diplo posted a picture of an empty box of condoms on his Instagram he did what everyone does after sex – he thanked Daft Punk. This was around the time of the release of Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’ but Diplo was not just talking about the aphrodisiac powers of the bands tune. The condoms he was so ostentatiously showing off were branded with an image of the band and the name of their hit. Someone had got lucky indeed.[4] But it soon turned out that rumours of Daft Punk getting into the condom business were premature. Durex denied going into partnership with the band. The condoms were just a promotional item being given away by their record company’s PR. Daft Punk have never spoken about how they feel about being linked in the public imagination to Diplo’s penis but Durex were thrilled. “We do hope that by using Durex condoms, music-lovers will continue to make sweet music together and have great sex!”
6 Dave Stewart’s vibrator
The Eurythmics has some huge hits in the 80s and have reunited several times since their first split to put out new albums. But it does seem as if there have been things other than music on Dave Stewart’s mind. In 2008 it was announced that his song Let’s Do It Again would be available free of charge to those who bought a vibrator inscribed with lyrics from the song – probably for those who get excited by reading.[5] This was to be no ordinary sex toy however. For a start it would cost £1000, making the free song seem like less of a bargain. To account for the high price it should be noted that it comes tipped with 28 round-cut black diamonds. Since there is not much light in its intended using spot the diamonds don’t really need to sparkly anyway. For those worried that they don’t get enough use from their toys the vibrator came with a leather cord that meant you could wear it around your neck. It also came with a pick in case you wanted to strum your guitar. Or anything else.
5 Mötley Crüe’s motley crew
Mötley Crüe have always had girls, girls, girls on their mind so it is no wonder that they are always looking for ways to please them. Alongside Lovehoney – “The sexual happiness people ™” – the band created a set of eight “powerful” vibrators. Coming in a range of sizes, colors, and with either 7 or 10 functions, the vibrators have names paying tribute to the band’s classic songs. Some, like like Dr Feelgood, hint at the pleasures that await while others, “Too fast for love,” perhaps hint at thwarted passion. While the makers say that the “eye-catching vibes capture the style and sex appeal of the band perfectly,” some might quibble at the verisimilitude of the wares on offer. If these capture the appearance of the members then there may be many anatomical questions to answer.[6]
4 The Vibrators’ Vibrator
Sometimes an endorsement is just too perfect to pass up. When persona and product overlap completely you would be a fool not to take the money. When Lovehoney started working with the punk-rock group The Vibrators there was only one product they could possibly make – a Buzzin Bullet Vibrator. And being a punk group it of course had to come in a box shaped like a Union Jack draped coffin.[7] The Buzzin Bullet was touted as the first official mash up of musician and sex toy. For years the band had been told they should make money off their name by releasing their own vibrators and when the Buzzin Bullet finally did make its way onto their merchandise stands at concerts they flew off the shelves and into buyers’ hands. And other places. The band thanked Lovehoney, calling them “a company who know so much about the band and who have the right, fun attitude to the product—a good coming together you could say.”
3 Motorhead’s motorised head
Motorhead have been toying with sex toys for a long time. On their 1977 debut album they released their song Vibrator that had such catchy lyrics as: “I’m really starting to buzz, Your feeling comes, I’m starting to hum, I can do it like nothing else does.” Vibrators were an obvious collaboration choice then for the rockers. They began by releasing four fairly dull looking tubes emblazoned with names from their hit-list like “Ace of Spades” and “Born to lose” as well as just their name. But the band must have been doing something right with their merchandise as they soon came out with three new toys for their range.[8] The additions to the range included a vibrating glass wand, two solid glass dildos shaped like bombs and a War-Pig topped with a model of their Snaggletooth mascot. One member of the band cautioned users “Just like the band, our products are EXTREME! Enjoy with care.”
2 Ghost B.C.
The Swedish band Ghost, also known as Ghost B.C. in the USA for legal reasons, is a hard rock group that does not mess around when it comes to sex play. Why merely be deviant when you can also be blasphemous at the same time? The band’s Phallos Mortuus Ritual box set comes with everything you might need to get a party started.[9] Inside a book-shaped box lined with red velvet you get one bronze-effect butt-plug with the band’s Grucifix symbol on the base, one dildo finished with the head of one of the band member’s dressed as a bishop, and divorce certificate – just in case things go wrong probably. The box set comes in a range of sizes to suit all needs from Men’s Small to Men’s Extra, Extra Large.
1 Marilyn Manson
Marilyn Manson lives to shock people out of their tired assumptions and passivity. Certainly one way to shock someone would be to yank out Manson’s own product – a dildo with his face on it.[10] Called the Double Cross dildo it features the singer’s name embossed on the shaft but you probably won’t notice that as long as his face is peering into your soul. Described on Manson’s website as “soft, lifelike,” it does make you wonder which part of the singer it most resembles. It does come with a black velvet bag so when you are done with it you do not have to face Manson looking back at you for long. Helpfully the product is described as “wipe clean” and the paint used to create Manson’s face is environmentally safe. Unfortunately the face itself “May fade with multiple uses.”
